(I absolutely do, though) — “It’s good that you brought your partner along this time,” the pulmonologist told me as he called us into his office. Matthias and I shared a look that said, Uh-oh. Our butts had barely touched the padded chairs when he gave us the news. “It’s cancer.” The words fell into…

A Number 2 for my Number 1 Friend — As a kid, I regularly peed and pooped my pants for years after being potty trained. My bathroom accidents happened when I was awake, so they felt like a choice on my part, unlike those of my bedwetter friends. Sometimes, I’d overestimate how long I could hold it in. When…

A rant about things I can’t change — On January 30, 2022, I had three friends over at my place to celebrate my 2-year cancerversary, i.e., two whole years since I was diagnosed with this damned incurable stage IV lung cancer. As I blew the two candles propped up on the homemade oreo cupcake, I wondered how this…

This poem/ramble was written on the 30th of April 2022, from the hospital, requiring 6l of oxygen to breathe. Spoiler alert: I didn’t die :) — I think I’m dying, and that’s OK. My lungs are shit, yet no one would say. My heart is racing. It doesn’t know it’s in vain. Every single human goes through pain. Such is life, the price we pay. My brain feels like hay, like a memory of my healthy…

A very biased portrait of the best mom in the world — Elsa was the middle child out of five. Possibly due to middle child syndrome, she was great at everything she put her mind to growing up. She learned how to cook and knit purely from observing my grandmother. She could play cards and tell jokes like kids years ahead of…

Working at the start-up of my dreams turned out to be a nightmare — Eight months after starting my first job, I found myself crying in one of the company’s bathroom cubicles. At 29, I had already finished a master’s in physics and a Ph.D. in engineering and was now working as a data analyst at a multinational tech company. It was all so…

Who am I when everything changes? — Who am I? This question has been pecking at my brain lately. Ever since my cancer diagnosis, really. As a kid, I was haunted by, Do I really exist? But eventually, I made peace with the fact that I might be living in a simulation à la The Matrix. I…

Keeping the biggest secret of my life — Oh, shit, Grandma Armanda will freak out, I thought, as soon as I got the cancer news. Grandma Armanda — who is almost 90-years-old. Grandma Armanda — who lived through World War II as a child and the Portuguese Colonial War while raising her five children. Grandma Armanda — who…